So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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