Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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