: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
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