I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
