you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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