You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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