so explain again why im purple
no
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
