remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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