ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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