I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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