You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
