I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize