you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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