these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
