Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
