Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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