my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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