yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
