he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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