The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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