Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
