I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
