Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
