oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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