i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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