Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
