dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
