whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize