Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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