Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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