so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
