I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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