We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
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