Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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