I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
