i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
