so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
