how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
