My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
