she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize