im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
only you would photoshop your dick
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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