my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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