Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
