Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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