Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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