when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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