I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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