xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
