Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Found the puke drawer
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
