Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
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