so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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