Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
