I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
