This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
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