the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
