every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
