my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
