i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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