Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
