She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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