Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
