I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Randomize
