Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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