I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
