the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Having a random hookup so left but love u
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize