I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize