you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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