It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
