I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
