I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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