Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
