I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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